We Girlbossed the Word "Cunt"

And 14 Other Items

Here’s the thing, I have this obnoxious tendency to follow through on things. No, not in a sweet, reliable way. It’s more like I take on one Mega Project and must finish it before I embark on doing anything else. It’s less reliability and more paralysis.

Anyways! The current root of my paralysis is my kitchen. TLDR; my cabinets have been landlord special’d 7 times. I know this for a fact because I single handedly stripped the paint off myself over the course of the last week. They started sea foam green, they’ll end as a buttercream. Mark my words.

That said, I took last week off. This week I’m back for a brief moment and

I Have Some Items

1. We Girlbossed Cunt

   It’s been such a delight having the word cunt enter into relative normality the last couple years. My grandma even started saying it in a hushed, giggle-whisper. However, we’ve beaten it to death. We’ve girlbossed it. Meaning, we’ve taken any sort of meaning and humor out of it. Rae Dunn is drawing up “Cunt” concepts to be seen at TJ Maxx / Marshalls / Homegoods nationwide this summer, I can feel it.

2. The Guys Have Eating Disorders

   But like, in a cool hypermasculine way! I saw a TikTok recently of a male fitness influencer solving the age old problem, “you wanna drink heavy tonight but wanna to stay cut?” His solution? Easy! Eat an entire rotisserie chicken in the morning and then nothing else the rest of the day. “You stay full because protein and then you can drink more later!” Awesome concept brother.

   

   oh that’s what they’re calling it now

   Hey fellas is it ga— never mind!

3. No Offense But

   I don’t really want to buy anything from you. Call me the senile 30 year old on God’s green Internet but I’m shaking my fists and asking you to take your advertisements disguised as blogs and get off my lawn.

   Marketing disguised as personal writing feels a little too insidious— don’t sell me a night cream in your break up post. Or your cultural critique. What’s interesting is I’m pretty sure Substack has a cap on how many links/advertisements brands can put in their posts if they choose to join. Writers (but in reality, influencers) have found a way to circumvent that with faux-essays.

4. JD Vance Memes

   Y’all been seeing these? I said earlier this week out of the Heinous Trinity that is Musk, Trump, and Vance Vance scares me the most because he’s the best at pretending to be human. You can almost be convinced when he’s on his best behavior. Now these bloated-faced memes are everywhere and it’s amazing. They dehumanize him, he’s not an individual but a big loser joke. Let’s keep at it guys.

   

5. A Chunky French Tip

   You little Carmella Soprano wannabes, I’m right there with you. There is nothing a chunky french tip can’t solve. I’d argue one set of chunky french tips could change the world. A final fools spring and I’m leaning into my Italian (50%!) roots and going chunky french all summer long. God, think of all I’ll accomplish.

Our hands are small, I know but they’re not yours they are our own

6. Honda Has a Cybertruck now

   Et tu Honda? My CRV and I are feeling hurt. Guess what, it’s ugly.

   “The Space-Hub is more reminiscent of a minivan, with a much-larger and more-boxy shape, plus an all-glass ceiling.” Nothing cooler.

7. Being Millennial

   I can’t explain it, but after years of side-bang laden strife, I think being a Millennial may be coming back en vogue. Maybe it’s the resurgence of 2012 aesthetics or maybe that a bunch of zoomers ended up being republicans. Either way, I have a piece incoming about the Millennial aesthetic, the good/bad, hip, and shabby-chic. Next!

   

8. The Unexpected Gift of an Out of Touch Meme

   Not in like, a problematic or tone deaf way but when you receive a meme, reel, or Tiktok from a friend that’s ancient by internet standards or a level of live, laugh, love humor you didn’t see coming. There’s something sweet about its earnestness and even sweeter that they’d think you’d enjoy it too.

   Mid-writing I realized I’m likely on such a brain-rot, slop corner Internet the memes I find funny are so feral and incoherent that a photo of 2 pigs on a hillside with the caption “us” feels like cool wind on the face.

9. Hollister Told Me Nature is Healing

   There’s a floral tube top going around the Internet beloved by teenage girls everywhere. It’s sold out but the dress version is still here. The best part of this is that every teenager obsessed with it on TikTok does in fact look like a teenage girl.

   Is this top my taste? No! But that’s great because I’m 30, and not a teenage girl!!!

   In a world that continuously expects adult women to look like teenagers and girls to look like adult women, this tube top feels like a single toe dip in the right direction.

10. Shirley Temples

    This isn’t new-news, I’m painfully aware of the dirty Shirley summer of 2022 (or was it ‘23?) All to say, Shirley Temples were always more than a fleeting affair to me.

    I was at a friend’s birthday party last week where we were tasked with bringing something to share. I brought the makings for Glitter Shirleys. (Yes, Shirley Temples with glitter.)

    “Crowd pleaser!” You chant in monotone unison.

11. “Digital Minimalism”

    No, this isn’t a new term. In fact, it’s the title of a pretty successful book that came out in 2019. Ultimately its meaning is pretty intuitive, it’s about simplifying and being choiceful about the media you engage with/consume online. Yeah, florals for spring and all that. I get it.

    I’m dangerously close to creating a section of Midwesthetic called “Substack’s latest buzz word designed for you to click on.” I’ve been seeing this as part of a lot of Think Piece titles recently. I’ve yet to read one but don’t worry I will. I’ll also report back whether you like it or not.

12. 5 Calls - An App You Actually Need

    Me hocking an app your way right after the digital minimalism bullet? Of course! In my defense, this one matters. We’re inundated with information every day that makes me want to melt my face off. 5 Calls helps with that. Let me explain:

    5 Calls is a way to talk to your representatives in a way that won’t stress you out.

    You put in your information and not only does it set you up with clear and concise ways to reach your representatives, but it gives you a series of scripts/starters for what to say, how to say it, etc. I personally like to use them as a template and change them as needed but there’s absolutely no shame in using the pre-written script. Let me repeat that: there’s no shame in using a pre-written script. That’s what they’re for! And also, a script helps you overwhelm your representatives with your thoughts about all this face-melting information.

13. Abandoning Books

    It goes against everything I said in the intro paragraph to this piece, but a reminder to myself and others: you can ditch a book you don’t like. Believe it or not, the librarian can’t tell if you’ve read it or not when you bring it back.

    You’re like, “Anna I don’t even go in to the library I use the drop box to return stuff.” I know me too, but you get what I’m trying to say. Angie would never judge you, but Stefana might.

    

    @cincylibraryThe Library has it all! #Library #LibraryTok #LibraryTikTok

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14. Lorelei Gilmore’s Outfits

    I have a note in my phone dedicated to the outfits I love in Lorelei Gilmore’s closet. Season, episode number, brief description. Sometimes I find myself on eBay desperately hunting a B-52’s T-shirt that’s certainly more than one woman’s white whale. Maybe I’ll share my favorites with you later, maybe I’ll gatekeep!

    I promised I’d do more of that ❤️

Last but NOT Least…

15. thebestmarketingnewsletterever

    And it is! I love this account, I reference for both work and life (different!) The strategist and the person (different!) in me loves it. One of my favorites lately:

    thebestmarketingnewsletterever

    

    A post shared by @thebestmarketingnewsletterever

Also you can find them on Substack The Social Juice!!! (I’m reeeeally into all caps and exclamation right now, bear with me.)

Alright Guys, 🚨🚨🚨

Let’s wrap this up. The siren song of my kitchen cabinets is calling me. I’ll be back next week with a few exciting things:

🤩 Guest Reports! So many of you submitted reports that it kind of freaked me out, which is exactly what I wanted! Thank you for being so nice and answering to my demands. You’ll start seeing these roll out more frequently all in an effort to find the normal people (positive connotation.) If you’d like to submit a report find the form here! Also, I promise I’m not gonna do any weird shit with your email.

🤡 Maybe a section for stupid stuff! We’re a little jammed with Think Pieces here sometimes (maybe just my algorithm?) I’m a contributor the problem so we’re all safe in a freshly Windexed glass house, but to mitigate some of that I’m thinking about adding a section solely dedicated to the silly goofy. Thinking true to form Blogs of Yore. Think ‘what’s in my purse’ mindlessness. Let me know if that’s stupid, but say it in a gentle/kind way.

🧠 That said, Think Pieces are Still Here. “Think piece” gives my cultural/strategy musings too much credit but they’re a staple, so they won’t be leaving. A few things I have cooking go like this, enjoy the little to no context❤️

💡 Does Everything Have to Be Mindful Now?

💡 Brain Rot Anonymous: Hiding Your Chronic Condition

💡 Hey Dumbass! I’m a Brand Your Friend

💡 What’s the Protein Conversation Actually About..?

💡 How to Be Human 101

If any of those look particularly appealing to you and you want them expedited, drop me a comment or note it helps me prioritize and after all, I am but your humble, writing servant.

Ope!