Midwesthetic: R.E.P.O.R.T. #03

My Proverbial "100 Calorie Pack" of Blog, Mdwsthc Lite

🚨A brief preface from your Midwest Mommy:

I’ve tried to do a Report about once a month here at Midwesthetic and have loved hearing your responses to them and more, your recommendations back. I know in the last month-ish conversations on what makes “good writing” have floated around Substack and other Internets with listicles, round ups, and recommendations catching the most heat for feeling lazy, low to the ground, blah blah blah Internet discourse.

All to say, I love them. I read them. I write them. Inundated with recommendations and “days in the life” vlogs where creators are paid to tell you what they like and how they spend their time, hearing from everyday people about what they enjoy/how they spend their days reminds me of why the premise of influencers felt so promising to begin with (in the Mesozoic Era of Internet, 2010.) Now I see them as a way to connect, share, and learn blah blah blah the original purpose of social media. 🚨

Let’s jump in! And as usual, feel free to send me your Reports as you see fit.

R: Reading

Spoilers ahead if you haven’t read Men Have Called Her Crazy by Anna Marie Tendler.

This book has had the Lit-Girl World in a grip since it’s announcement earlier this year. After a very public divorce from her comedian husband, all eyes were on Anna as the Patron Saint of Wronged Women. After the book’s release, I can only describe it’s Internet-reception as an act of the Multiverse. The New York Times, Washington Post, and NPR, among others, have lauded the book while social media users beyond panned it.

Anna Marie Tendler’s Rooms in the First House

My own feelings toward the book are complicated. There are truly meaningful and resonant articulations of what it feels like to prioritize men in your teens and young adult years that make you nod your head and laugh at yourself. And passages that offer new ways of approaching love when you’ve been existing in a men-centered world (sometimes of your own making.) This passage especially:

“…the disturbing pattern of chasing men who are not interested in me, fueled by a belief that I can change their mind and by the belief that my own misery is inextricable from love. …I have chased unrequited affection because to me, struggle is indicative of love. Volatility is indicative of love. Dismissal is indicative of love. But that is not how I want to do love anymore.”

To me, this could’ve (and maybe should’ve) been the thesis of the book.

Readers have described Tendler as whiny, dramatic, “flexing” her mental health struggles and eating disorder. There are valid criticisms of this book to be made, but my ¢0.02 is that the public approached this book as two things that it was not:

01 Kindling for gossip and the general celebrity-machine of public relationships ending.

02 A definitive how-to guide for healing from difficult, abusive, and generally bad relationships with men.

As mentioned, there are valid critiques of this book, several of which I agree with. You can read it and draw your own conclusions. However, I feel that I need to remind us all that we’re reading someones memoir and account of their real life and her feelings toward her own life. Criticisms of her personhood, how she has dealt (or not dealt) with her mental health aren’t on the table for me.

I understand the desire to see her thoughts neatly tied up in satin ribbon followed by an empowering message and rallying cry at the end. I understand the disappointment in it not feeling like that. Maybe with time and distance that will come, or maybe …it already has and we will never get to read it. That’s OK!

K. Claire

wrote an excellent piece on this topic a few weeks ago. I encourage you to read it. Burn the Witch! But like… Progressively?

“Who wrote the rule that a memoir needed to be empowering or relatable coming from a woman? Why is it not enough to write from a flawed and vulnerable place? Why can’t we have a woman who is being vulnerable enough to share what she’s been through? I can’t always defend Tendler’s actions or words. But I shouldn’t need to. Her story isn’t an epic about the triumph of the human spirit, it’s about a woman who is just trying to figure her shit out like we are all trying to figure our shit out”

Yeah!

E: Eating

If I was an influencer I would be seeking commission on this product. My ring light would be at the ready and I would be making up mental health and skincare benefits over this magic in a can.

Refried Beans. Capital R, capital B. A can of refried beans hates to see me coming these days. Not to brag, but I’m personally clocking 1-2 cans a week. What a versatile item! How economical in this climate! I put them in a pot on the stove, I add some garlic, perhaps a little crema, some Goya adobo seasoning.

Here’s where the magic happens, after I dress up said beans I layer them on a plate, I top with pickled jalapeños, lettuce, tomatoes, an ungodly volume of onion (original Midwesthetiticans know relationship to onion: passionate.) And obviously I’m eating that with tortilla chips.

Anyway, if you have connections to Big Bean I am not above SponCon!

So many of you guys have been asking about my bean routine

P: Playing

Ohio experienced weather in the mid-60’s last week which means I ran full force into scary podcast season. What can I say, I love to be haunted. My current favorite is put on by Snap Judgement called Spooked. It’s pretty straight-forward, supernatural stories told by the people who experienced them. The host has a perfect voice and despite being a little corning, he’s mostly endearing.

Each episode will run you from 25-40 minutes, which is the perfect amount of time to:

Walk your dog around the blog once you’ve hit peak zoom fatigue

Take a super long shower and meticulously apply lotion to every area of your body

Make a plate of refried beans, eat it, wash and re-store dishes

Take a break from holding your phone so you can keep your hands at your sides (I currently have carpal tunnel)

Clean your bathroom because frankly, it needs it

Drive to your friends house and then relay the supernatural event you just heard as if you experienced it yourself

Just a few ideas!

O: Obsessing

The people who raised me. The cast of VH1’s I Love The… series. I’ve been playing this non-stop in the background of my apartment for the last week. I had a TV in my room WAY too early. Shout out to my parents for that because it ultimately resulted in being extremely well-versed in pop culture and able to mingle well with adults from a probably-too-early age.

The show has everything. Shot docuseries style, it breaks down every year in each decade from the 70’s, 80’s, and 90’s. It covers music, politics, film, toys, etc. all narrated by a pretty star-studded cast of actors, musicians, and comedians.

Beyoncé is in it y’all.

With anything that began in the early aughts, there are certainly moments that made my eye lightly twitch, so fair warning there. Overall it’s a fun thing to consume that almost feels like real learning.

A Non-Comprehensive List of Things I learned about/from VH1’s I Love The… Series

Stretch Armstrong

Vanderbilt and Jordache Jeans

How the Delorean Actually Got Popular

Who Shot JR

Dynasty

Xanadu with Olivia Newton John

Millie Vanilli’s Lip Synching Scandal

The Amy Fisher and Joey Buttafuoco affair

Weebles

I always provide, here’s the link.

R: Recommending

Saving money. Less often than I should I embark on a No Spend Month. Yeah, yeah spending zero in a month is impossible but you get it. The rules are this:

You can spend money on…

Bills, gas, groceries, the bummer-unexpected i.e. something happens with your car, health, house, etc. To make myself less irritated by the whole thing I also say you can spend money on pre-scheduled things i.e. a hair cut you’ve had in the calendar for weeks.

You cannot spend money on…

Everything else! No eating out, no new clothes, no novelty trinkets. It’s upsetting and not for the weak. I however, am a little weak so I allow myself one treat a week. It keeps me from sinking into the void. For example, I spent ~$20 in an eBay auction Tuesday and it felt good. I was 98% satisfied. I can suffer through that extra 2% for two more weeks now.

T: Treating

Nothing! It’s no spend month. Real treats are the things money can’t buy<3

I’m completely kidding, I would never tell you that. While a $6 coffee, whimsical fall candle, or Chipotle bowl are all valid treats this week may I suggest something a little kooky crazy?

Say “no” to something you don’t want to do.

It’s gonna feel so good.

🚨 A brief prelude! Would you like to contribute a R.E.P.O.R.T. to Midwesthetic? I want you to. As another favorite Substack states, cool people like cool things. And who are you to deny the masses access to your inner-most recommendations? But seriously, I am looking to get some new thoughts into this newsletter. So, if you’d be interested in gracing us with your current (or past!) obsessions in a report hit me up here on Substack, respond to this email if that’s where you’re at right now, or just hit me on Instagram.🚨